I believe wholeheartedly that, in order for a marriage to be a truly successful partnership of equals, each spouse must believe that his/her partner is infinitely valuable. Read this story and then decide: How many cows would you want your partner to be worth? How many cows would you want your partner to think you are worth? (Hint: You get what you believe you've got. Or, believing is seeing.)
The Seven-Cow Wife
Years ago I read a wonderful short story (if you know the author, please let me know) about a young man in Africa and his bride. It went approximately like this:
A traveler in Central Africa arrived at a village where everyone was agog at the wedding that was just taking place. In this tribe, it was the custom for a suitor to negotiate with the father of the girl he wanted to marry. If she was average in appearance and talents, a fair price might be two cows. If the girl was especially desirable, the young man might have to pay the father three or even four cows. (And it was well known that a three- or four-cow wife would talk very disparagingly and insultingly to and about wives who had been purchased for only one or two cows.) The villagers knew of one or two extraordinary cases where a groom had had to pay five cows to the father.
The reason the whole village was agog was that this young man had gone to the father and said to him, "I will give you seven cows for your daughter." She was a nice girl, and fairly attractive, the villagers agreed about that -- but seven cows? Surely he could have gotten her for four or maybe only three cows.
Several years later, the traveler happened to pass through the same area again and decided to return to the same village. He looked up the young man and his wife. The young man invited him to stay for a meal. The traveler noted first that the grass hut where they lived was immaculately clean and very nicely decorated, better than other houses around, and that the wife was more attractive than she had been when he had first seen her, in spite of having borne several children in the meantime.
Not only was she attractive, but she bore herself with a pride and self-confidence he had seldom seen. And she appeared to be totally devoted to her husband. Although she clearly had a mind of her own, and was not afraid to say whatever she wanted to, she was deeply respectful of her husband, and determined to do whatever she could for his comfort and enjoyment. And the children too seemed happy and loved and bright.
After dinner, the traveler had a chance to sit down outside with the young man and ask him privately: "You obviously have a wonderful wife and a happy family and a lovely home. But why did you offer your father-in-law seven cows for your wife, more than anyone had ever paid for a bride before?"
The young man thought about his words for a moment. "I wanted a seven-cow wife."
--Christopher B. Sanford
