How did I happen to write this book?
After the end of my first marriage, I discovered a wonderful singles group, where I met many people who now, several marriages and many years later, are still my friends. I realized that, after some fourteen years of marriage, I no longer knew how to have a social life as a single: I knew that the rules had changed from the days when I was last single; I knew that I had learned some things and changed my expectations and standards; and I knew that there was a sort of generational shift -- people in their late 30s and early 40s operate differently from people in their 20s. I knew all this. But I realized I knew nothing. How do you meet people? How do you ask for a date? When does sex enter in? (It does, doesn't it?) Where do you go on a date? What do you talk about? Everything had changed -- but to what? At least a singles group would be a place to meet others in the same boat. And, I hoped, a place to get some answers: how is the game played? what are the rules? what is allowed? expected? (And, hopefully, a place to meet someone special.)
But, as I started talking with people in the social setting of singles gatherings, I realized that most of them were floundering as much as I was. So I was relieved when one of the old hands in the group announced that, starting in a week or two, he was going to lead a discussion group, to discuss these kinds of questions. I went with high hopes of listening to others who could give me some of the answers. But I was appalled when, by the second meeting, it became apparent that not only did the other participants not have the answers, they had not, for the most part, even begun to ask the questions.
By this time I had started seeing Juliet [not her real name], a wonderful woman I had met at Solo. (She and I ended up going together for a year and a half, then went our separate ways for a number of years, and recently reconnected. She figures in a number of the pieces in this book. I still count her as a good and trusted friend.) I shared with her my frustration. "Well," Juliet said, "even if you don't think you have all the answers, still you have figured out a few things. Why don't you start with those, put them down on paper, and see what happens?"
So I did, starting with a handful of one-page pieces, some of which still appear in this book. With some hesitation, I showed these pieces to a few single friends, not sure what kind of reaction to expect. I was amazed. They all said, "Wow! These are great! Write some more. I want to see whatever else you write." And this book is the result.
